Andrew's Rants.

SCREW THE THEATER

Why is it that when I go to the movies now I have to sit and watch 20 minutes of commercials and infomercials mixed in with the previews? What the hell is going on? It used to be you watched a few previews and then got right on into the movie. But now you have to watch ads for Coke or Nike or some fool stupid car that no one wants. At home I see enough of this crap on my television but at least there I can change the channel. At the movies I have to suffer through them as a captive audience. I can’t get up or I will lose my seat and I can’t change the channel. Now I know what many of you are saying that the cost of movies is going up and they have to do this to make a profit. Well I understand profit. It is in the 8 to 10 dollars they charged me to see the dammed movie and the 25 dollars for the outrageously priced popcorn and drinks for my family. My God, $2.50 for a 12 ounce drink that’s in a disposable cup and half ice. I would love to have that kind of profit margin in my business. It reminds me of comic books when I was a kid. When I was very young I collected comics. Richie Rich and Donald duck then later on Batman and Superman, Green Lantern and Iron Man. They only cost a nickel in the beginning and I loved reading them. They were half ads for crappy products like invisible itching powder and the classic X-Ray Vision Specs. As I got older the comics changed. The artwork improved and the colors became vibrant on the slick Baxter paper. But the prices went up up up and the ad space increased. Soon almost ¾ of each comic was ad space and they were costing 2 dollars apiece. As a result today’s youth does not collect comics and is missing out on a part of the culture that a previous generation loved. Only the 40 year old Vernellian Virgins still living with their parents now collect comics. Trying to relive their early youth by imagining themselves as the hero on the glossy pages and lusting after the super heroin babes with antigravity tits in the skimpy skin tight outfits.

I am almost to the point where I say, "Why should I go to the theatre to see a movie?". It is just going to be overpriced and full of ads. I will have to walk on a sticky floor that is covered with "only God knows what" and sit in a too small seat trying not to crowd or touch the complete stranger crammed in next to me. The sound is going to be poor and the picture more than likely will be dim because most theaters turn down the projector intensity to prolong the life of the expensive bulbs. Then you have some knuckle head that lets the voice get out of sync on the movie or it jumps the reel or gets out of focus. Inevitably there is someone who talks on their cell phone or teenyboppers giggling or some Giant Reject from the Circus Sideshow in front of me blocking the view. Now days you get a screen hardly larger than a large screen TV in some instances. I used to go to the movies on a religious basis when in college. The Kentucky Theatre in downtown Lexington was my favorite place. They showed mainstream selections along with cutting edge art films and foreign
material. It was an old Vaudeville Auditorium decorated in Baroque style with lots of gilt woodwork and stained glass accents on the ceiling. Velvet Curtains that would actually open and close between movies and a true large screen. Not one of those pint sized ones that you get in theaters nowadays. It was an acre of silver screen so you could see and live the movie in larger than life detail I loved going to the KY and missed it terribly when it burned. It has since been rebuilt but I have long since moved away. My point to this little rave is I fear movies will go the same way as comics. Soon they will have so many adds and be so expensive that the only people who will go to see them are those same Vernellians who are showing up for the 50th anniversary showing of Star Wars. Right now. I am almost to the point of waiting until I get the DVD and watch it at home on my large plasma HDTV with true surround sound. I can skip any ads or pause it to go to the restroom and I can sit on my favorite couch. In fact, screw the theater. That’s right you heard me, screw the theatre. I can buy the DVD for less than what one trip to those miserable hell holes will cost me.
Right.
Screw the theater.