Andrew's Rants.

STUBBING UP

Have you ever noticed how most people will just stub up when they walk into a store? A big example is when you are behind a group of Inbred, Slope-headed Degenerates and you are entering Wal-Mart or K-Mart. As soon as they are inside the door they stub up and crane their necks back and begin to stare around. Kind of like a bear coming out of hibernation in the Spring. They begin to gawk and wave and point out items of interest while their feet remain stubbornly motionless. They show no consideration for those behind them who are in the same position they were mere moments before. Namely trying to get into the store, make a purchase and get back out. Now suddenly you are faced with the Clampets in front of you, drool and spittle leaking from their lower lips as they stare in wide eyed wonder at all the bright colors and marketing materials. Perhaps the bright lights numb their brains further than they already are. You have to push past them and elbow them aside as you attempt to retrieve a cart to do your shopping. Most stores have so much trouble with this phenomenon that they hire someone to stand by the door and greet these snapper heads and help direct them along, handing them a cart and booting them deeper into the store with an obligatory Welcome" on their lips. For God’s sake people, it’s freaking Wal-Mart! Most of you have been here countless times before and you still act as if it is some New Grand Experience. That’s kinda sad when you think about it.

These are the same people who slow down on the Interstate when it is one lane. Now follow this reasoning. You have two lanes of traffic and it’s traveling along at 65 to 70 miles per hour. Signs appear and you find that the road will narrow to one lane for whatever reason in a few miles. Everyone consolidates down to one lane and you’re still zipping along doing 55 to 60 MPH. Then "Blammo!" you are going 15 because some Dumb Ass way up the line has stubbed up. This persons pint sized brain couldn’t cope with the road narrowing and assumes that it is less maneuvering room and therefore he must slow down. Yet this same Bubby Joe will readily do 60 on a one lane twisty country back road that is much narrower and much more precarious. There is no perspective in the myopic view of this brain dead Neanderthal. As soon as you’re past the constriction its back up to 70 MPH. Dumb Ass has found the accelerator again. It’s the same mentality that caused trouble on the mountain roads in Eastern KY when I was growing up. Most roads are only two lanes even the highways because of the tremendous cost in building them. You literally have to move mountains to create a flat spot to drive on. But the area is filled with Coal Trucks, huge 40 plus ton Behemoths that slow to a crawl when they hit a hill. As a result the Highway Department usually has a passing lane on the uphill side of the mountains, it narrows to two lanes at the top then the oncoming traffic has the passing lane on their uphill climb. Now these same snapper heads that stub up in the grocery store when faced with a new display for Hemorrhoid
Treatment are the same ones that will drive 30 MPH on the downhill side when you are faced with 2 lanes of oncoming traffic. But as soon as they get on the uphill section and the road widens out to two lanes they speed up to 70 and you have to gun your engine and work at it to pass the Bastard.

There are several theories as to why they do this. One is they see the road get wider and think "Oh, it's safer now, I can speed up!" regardless that they were just traveling 20 MPH below the speed limit while using the same amount of space. The other school of thought is that they are such Bastards they want to have the power rush of keeping everyone behind them. It’s a trip for them because their life is so magnificently insignificant that the only perceived importance they will ever have is that of keeping you behind them on the highway. These pathetic wretches of human trash will do anything to feel like they are in control of any aspect of the Universe around them. So they strive to keep you behind them on the highway by speeding up in the passing zones and then slowing down to their actual IQ ratio somewhere around the mid 40s when they are in an area where it is impossible to pass them. The third theory is that they have no idea what they are doing. It’s amazing that their brains can even generate enough processing power to walk, let alone drive a vehicle. They are just drifting along on the road varying their speed and position as a pure visceral reaction to the environment they find themselves in. Sort of like brine shrimp or those little microscopic Creel Critters in
the ocean. They just drift through life letting instinct take over and shunt them around with no conscious thought of what they are doing. This last theory is my explanation of choice. Most people are not malicious enough to want to keep you behind them and the same applies to the first theory. There are not enough of those stub-up drivers with a high enough intelligence quota to justify the idea that they are making a conscious decision to slow down and speed up. No, it's just basic animal instinct. If you were looking at a Chart of the Human Evolution from Monkey to Present, these people would be about 4th from the left. I know it’s not right to classify people and to make stereotypes of certain groups; but, My God! Some people are just so stupid it’s amazing they even manage to breed, but somehow they manage to do so without hurting themselves too much.

Stubbing up, what can you do other than push on past them and hope that life will say, "Hey look this guy evolved and you didn’t, you lose". The entire situation is often summed up by me in a statement I yell at my cats as they get underfoot . . . "You have the Entire World to be in . . . why do you want to be right where I am?"