Andrew's Rants.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Last evening we went out to eat at Texas Roadhouse. It’s just full of County and Western atmosphere and a lot of DINKS (Double Income No Kids) that want to show each other how "Down to Earth" they can act as they drive up in their Beamers. We ordered and I got my favorite item on the menu, Green Beans. I love their Green Beans and wish I had a recipe for that style of beans. Anyway as we sat eating, my glass got empty and I looked around for a server and none were to be seen. NONE anywhere in the restaurant. Then suddenly from the kitchen the entire Staff burst forth with a Small Cup Cake-sized Pastry with a sputtering Candle on top screaming at the top of their lungs. You know the drill, the Happy Birthday 'thing' with Cheering, Clapping and so forth while the intended victim acts surprised and spits out the Candle. All the while my glass is empty. This happened again just moments later and then yet again ten minutes later. No sooner would one parade of foolishness end than some 'Goober' would feel left out and declare it his Birthday so he could be the center of attention. Geez! If you want attention go shopping 'nekkid' in Wal Mart or if you want singing, go to Up Chuck Cheeses where the animatronics bears might give a Damn, cause I sure don’t. I still didn’t get my glass refilled and the Waiter didn’t get a tip. Waiters should wait on people. They shouldn’t be off singing Happy Birthday to some Dumbass that isn’t in their area and not going to tip them anyway. They also shouldn’t be overly friendly. For example they will introduce themselves by first name and sit down at the table with you so that things seem more casual, WHO CARES!!!!! Shut up Jean Claude! Get off your ass, and bring us a beer, I don’t want to be your friend or adopt you; I just want you to bring me some food so I can eat. I don’t want a server getting friendly unless I am dining at Hooters and she is blond and stacked.

I swear the next time I am in a restaurant and they start that Happy Birthday crap that just gathers momentum like a bad taste landslide I will get up, leave and not pay the tab. You just watch. I might even stop on the way out and slap the Birthday Person right across the mouth just for fun. Yep, that’s what the 'snapper heads' need is a good old fashion “Smack Inna Mouf”.